And on, I go...

It has been everything but easy..
It seemed impossible
But in the end, I just had to..
This girl's FINALLY...
MOVING ON.

It has been everything but easy..
It seemed impossible
But in the end, I just had to..
This girl's FINALLY...
MOVING ON.
| You Are a Prophet Soul |
![]() You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone. Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people. Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run. No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way. You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle. Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings. A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning. You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer. Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul |

I have never so much as hated anyone and I don't want to start now. It's exhausting and quite pointless, really. And well, I guess it also helps that I truly poured my heart into everything that was my life and it's really not much of a breeze to just chuck it out. Especially if it's one that made your heart beat like no other. I am moving forward, looking onward and though I know I can never go back, I rest on that little thing called Hope (and a dash of Faith) that maybe, those I have let be now, could one day, catch up with me and well, who knows? =)
In this modern world of corporate ladders emerging everywhere; with a society that practically demands you to make something out of yourself, how can goal-setting be all that? Take a good look around, everything is working in clock-work precision, just the way our society's norms have dictated upon us. And these hard-ball lessons in success aren't just circulated by those up there, power suits and all but it starts being hammered to all of us the minute we are able to comprehend a full sentence. I mean think about it, what is the most iterated thing you've heard from your parents? Let me guess, the "you-need-to-study-well-to-be-successful" speech, right? And in all those years of hearing that over and over again, it seems almost impossible for any of us to stray from "success" but as many tales have been told, there are those who made it and those whom you'd rather not speak of. But how are we to know if we've made it? How are we to affirm in ourselves that we've done what we were supposed to do? How do we know we've succeeded? Is it in the mere act of having a goal to zero at the way Sir Mays eloquently concluded? Is it in giving it your best regardless of the outcome? Is it coming out on top? Or is coming out of it at all good enough?
I celebrated my 4th official month here in Newcastle this Monday and it was also that day I realized how in just another 4 months, I will be 22. Good God, where the heck have I been!?! I know time flies wicked fast but this is just insane, everything feels strange and I feel stuck in such a daze. I know this is all but normal but you can't blame a girl for wondering, how on earth did I end up this clueless!?! I have always known what I wanted to be, I was always in control of my life and I never really lost track of what I wanted to make out of myself. I had that feisty confidence even as a kid roaring me on to move forward and get on ahead -I always did. I have never so much bummed in my life and even when those times I was positively unglued, I always knew what was to become of me and all of a sudden, when everything should be looking bright, I feel all the more vagabond. And to cap off this already repulsive phase I'm in, I somehow lost my buoyancy making me look like Pollyanna sans the pig tails and rosy cheeks. It's one of those days when you'd rather lay in bed and think about how you got this screwed up only to realize you're doing exactly what has led you there in the first place: complacency, lackadaisical and just, lethargic. And at this point in my life, I think I have but reached that crossroad where laid before me are two roads presenting very different ends without so much of a tocsin as to where the heck you're headed. And that's precisely what's causing this massive dark of a cloud to hover over me and my used-to-be-cloudless thoughts. But all I see now is black, pitch dark. Black.















God is good all the time!



Set in a storybook
From the beginning, this unique mother-daughter team has been growing up together. Lorelai was just Rory's age when she became pregnant and made the tough decision to raise her baby alone. This defiant move, along with Lorelai's fiercely independent nature, caused a rift between her and her extremely proper, patrician, old-money parents, Emily (Kelly Bishop) and Richard (Edward Herrmann). However, Lorelai was forced to reconcile with them when she found herself in desperate need of money for Rory's tuition.At the end of season six, Lorelai's elation over her engagement to diner-owner Luke Danes (Scott Patterson) turned to frustration when he learned of the existence of his 12-year-old daughter, April (Vanessa Marano). Luke asked Lorelai to be patient while he came to terms with this life-changing discovery. After difficult months of giving Luke all the time and space she could, Lorelai delivered a tearful now-or-never ultimatum. Bristling under her emotional demand, Luke let Lorelai walk out of his life. A heartbroken Lorelai took comfort in the arms of her old flame and Rory's father, Christopher Hayden (David Sutcliffe).
Rory also faced a tumultuous year, dropping out of Yale after her dreams of becoming a journalist were dashed by newspaper mogul Mitchum Huntzberger (Gregg Henry), who just happens to be the father of her boyfriend, Logan (Matt Czuchry). Rory's reckless behavior led to an unusual and painful parting of the ways between mother and daughter. After a few months spent organizing DAR events for Emily, Rory realized she belonged back at Yale, and she and Lorelai joyfully reunited. Rory and Logan then faced their toughest challenge when she learned of his infidelity during a brief separation. Unable to forgive him at first, Rory realized her love for
As season seven unfolds, Lorelai and Rory will turn to one another to get through the complications in their respective romances. It may be that Lorelai's relationship with Luke has been irretrievably marred now that she has once again let Christopher come between them. Even so, she and Luke still have to co-exist in tiny, close-knit Stars Hollow with the town's watchful eyes on them and all their charged history. Meanwhile, Rory will attempt to keep her long-distance romance with
GILMORE GIRLS was the first series to make it to air supported by the Family Friendly Forum's script development fund. The strong and loving mother-daughter relationship portrayed in GILMORE GIRLS reflects the growing reality of this new type of American family.
This is all sounding too mu c h of a gush but whatever, I am a Gilmore Girls fan and I don't care who hears it! It's one of those things I looked forward to every Saturdays back home (studio 23) and when the episodes weren't coming out as they should have been, I took upon buying every box set imaginable to a fan. I've liked a lot of shows in my life but not like this. FRIENDS, 7th Heaven, Sex and the City and the others were you know, amongst my favorites and I also bought their DVDs and all but I don't think anything hit me as hard as Gilmore Girls did. I don't even know why I'm getting so sentimental over all of this but I guess this is born out of just another great loss. A loss that although can be relived over and over again just by a pop of a DVD, it's just never gonna be the same. May 15 aired the final episode in its final season.
Butterflies are a lot like Love
It will flutter around, in search for that perfect landing spot, ever so keenly positioning itself to touch down. Going through a maze of its own before it finally decides to take itself down. How long it takes to settle down, we can never tell..
But once it does..
And that's when you allow it to sit.. Allow it to "do its thing", make its mark and almost always, as light and heavenly it touched down on you, it could very well alight you leaving with a massive ton like you wouldn't believe. And when it decides to take yet another flight, there is really nothing more you can do but let it flutter its destined course. You cannot deny it of the other flowers and fields and, hearts, it could land on..
It's one of the most magical and unbelievable things in this world and it should only be enjoyed and rejoiced for! But once in a while, it dawns on us that it simply cannot stay with us. Hence, we let go and we leave it be. Hoping that it has been enough for us having it in our lives when we did. Hoping that everything works for the best. Hoping that one day, we will again be greeted by that amazing touch from heaven to transcend us once again to that sublime place where everything is rosy and red and everyone is glowing like peaches.
The bravest thing we can all really do is Move On. It will not be a pleasant phase but it is the surest and most sensible path to healing. Accepting the facts, no matter how cold and vile and cruel it may be, is the only thing you can really do after going through a loss. It's learning to see things for what they truly are, surrendering to what has happened and embracing its entirety for all it can ever be. It's never going to be easy but it has to be done. Acceptance. Healing. Moving On.. It all needs to be done. And they all have Time as their best ally. Although I don't think that time will make you accept, or heal or move on, I believe it will give you perspective. Perspective to fully gauge what the hell is going on and perspective to find your balance when you feel you're almost tipping to your doom. And it is in these times that we grow, we learn, understand why we loved and why we have to keep living.| Escudero, Francis Joseph (Chiz) | 651,709 |
|---|---|
| Legarda, Loren (Loren) | 601,393 |
| Aquino, Benigno Simeon III (Noynoy) | 559,884 |
| Lacson, Panfilo (Ping) | 558,304 |
| Villar, Manuel Jr (Manny) | 526,715 |
| Pangilinan, Francis (Kiko) | 524,322 |
| Cayetano, Allan Peter (Companero) | 460,885 |
| Arroyo, Joker (Joker) | 444,328 |
| Angara, Edgardo (Ed) | 410,541 |
| Honasan, Gregorio (Gringo) | 404,591 |
| Trillanes, Antonio IV (Magdalo) | 397,428 |
| Pimentel, Aquilino III (Koko) | 394,759 |
Everybody has a story to tell, a tale of sort to somehow encapsulate who and what they are. It may or may not do their lives justice but still they try, in hopes to uncover what’s beyond the façade, the exterior and to maybe to finally set themselves, free.
Some things just aren’t meant to last.
I have been moving homes for as long as I can remember. Mama worked as a Bank Regional Head that basically turned us into BSP-brats, transferring from a region, an island and a school to another. Of course when you’re between the age of 3 to 6, you don’t really mind anything so long as you had your fine toys to play with but when Mama announced we were moving to Tuguegarao (north of the
Some things just aren’t meant to last.
Some things just aren’t meant to last.
Some things just aren’t meant to last.
Some things just aren’t mean to last.
Some things just aren’t meant to last.
By September of 2005, I was more than happy to do anything other than bum at home. I enrolled at then
Some things aren’t just meant to last.
It’s been only 3 months but I feel like I’ve aged 3 decades with everything that I had to live through here. I never thought living alone was ever going to be a problem for me but it’s just not the same. It’s so much more lonelier, the cold isn't helping and the recent turn of events have made it so much more painful. I’ve always been good with goodbyes but suddenly it’s not so easy anymore, especially when you desperately want to keep things the way they are. I have lived my life fighting. Fighting for people I’ve loved, the things I care about and the life that I had to survive. It hasn’t been easy but I have found this to be the best thing I was good at. I had to fight my loneliness growing up in an empty house, I had to fight my self-pity for being the only kid without a parent on her graduation, I had to fight the stabbing pain of losing 2 fathers and 4 close friends, I had to fight self doubt and the many people egging me on to fail, I had to fight the pain seeing everything I’ve worked so hard for being taken for granted, I had to fight losing sight of trust and friendship, I had to fight the pain of knowing I never was loved by the only man I ever did and I now have to fight this torture of a feeling after realizing that despite everything I have done and everyone I have loved, I am alone.
I have been beating myself thinking how I ended up this way and after that one hard cry some nights ago (and 2 bags of maltesers and 2 liters of pepsi), I finally got it. I have been fighting and fighting and fighting to a point of breaking my own self down but I never really made sure if what I was fighting for had or wanted to be fought for. And to make matters worse, even after mastering the skill of saying goodbye, I never really understood how it was to let go. No wonder I’ve been stumbling over my every step here. My eyes, mind and my heart most of all is still gripping firm of my has-been life. I don’t know what has been keeping me from holding on this much and it’s not like anything wants to be held onto anymore but whatever it is, I’ve got to let it all go now. Never mind if I hurt myself from trying to pry my hands open. I made such a fuss over this whole letting go business that I have missed to acknowledge that it really isn’t as complicated as I’m making it out to be. I’ve known it all along but I never really came close to admitting it but there are times when things have to come to an end just because, hence you let go. And then smile that it happened.
And I've come to realize that, letting go doesn't mean we don't care. It doesn’t mean we shut down but letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave. It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment. It means we stop trying to do the impossible--controlling that which we cannot--and instead, focus on what is possible--which usually means taking care of ourselves. And that we do this in gentleness, kindness, and love, as much as possible. I now see it not as an obstacle course but a direct path to healing. It comes with learning to see your life for what it is and not as you wish it was. It’s in acknowledging those who’s stayed true to you, forgiving those who have hurt you and believing in yourself despite and inspite of everything.
I still don’t know why I'm in
It’s clear that I haven’t exactly been having a ball of a time here but if anything, amidst the tremendous feelings consuming me right now, I’d have to say this could still be the best thing that's ever happened to me. Despite everything, I have always felt that God’s answers are always wiser than my prayers and that in this cliff he has led me to, I'm just about ready to let go because really, only one of two things could happen; He’d catch me as I fall or teach me how to fly. I may never know why God brought me here and for the first time, I don’t really care. I maybe in hell right now, I can't smile a genuine one and I might still cry every now and then but like everything else in my life so far, some things aren’t meant to last.
This too, shall pass.May your pockets hold always a coin or two
May the sun shine bright on your window pane
May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain
May the hand of a friend always be near you
May your family fill your heart with gladness too
May peace be within you and may your heart be strong
May you find what you’re seeking wherever you roam
May your days be many and your troubles few
And may all God’s blessings descend upon you
The Happiest of Birthdays, Hal.
Heard mass today and boy did the sermon hit me right in the gut. He called everyone to pray for those with great burdens, that may the spirit of forgiveness and acceptance overcome the hurt and extinguish the anger they feel.
As I type this, Taylor Hicks is providing me with entertainment as he belts out his euphoric "Do I make you proud" and as I listen to the lines of the song, I am flooded with so much memories. Of the long talks my mom and I had upon making the decision of my departure. The meltdowns I've been having every so often since I got here and the usual procrastination of a better life in the Philippines, just for me. But then I Taylor sings, "this is what we dreamed about but the only question with me now is do I make you proud".. I stare out the window and realize that however my life may be right now, it's not for me to say whether or not I've lived well. I can only do so much and I can only do my damndest but end of it all, I'm but human and the one I am living my life for is Up There, beaming and smiling at me.. Signifying, reassuring that it's all going to be fine.
But once in a while, certain occurances happen that not even confusion can blind you and it just makes all the sense in the world.. Then there are people who come into your life and gives the world a whole lot of sense.
I enjoyed just talking to them about how different our cultures were, our various life stories and I actually seeked advice from them on how easier to adapt to being so far away. Martin, from Germany, who's leaving in a few days nailed that bit and he basically just told me to have a good "go around" while I'm here and I know should be doing just that. It will pose as a challenge because I'm not anything of a party girl and majority of "mixing together" here translates to parties whether house or bar type. I've been to a bar here, partied during our house warming but end of the day, it just wasn't for me. I guess I'd have to try a bit harder given I have personal limitations.. But whatever that might be, I have to get on it soon cause I can't take on another month like this again. I'm too sad.
So this long distance relationship thing.. my idea? Whatever the case may be, this is clearly not what I had in mind. I knew it was gonna be hard and painful to get through but I don't think intolerable was anywhere near my thoughts.
On one end, I have good teachers. My Math teacher is a nice, old man who reminds me of Santa Clause –only thinner and because just as much as Santa like giving gifts, this guy likes giving notes, lots of notes. My Business Studies teacher is also nice and seems to be business savvy but she can be a little monotonous in her speech so you can only imagine what that brings about. But my favorite would have to be my IT teacher and who is also my counselor. She’s a very nice middle-eastern woman who gives good lectures and a good dose of fun once in a while. My classes are relatively easy and quite elementary if you think about it (we’re studying Fractions, Business Ownerships and Excel) but looking at it now, it’s not really so bad. And quite honestly, it doesn’t give me any reason not to get a distinction (the highest achievement you can get) so that’s the only thing keeping me challenged right now. Wouldn’t you know it, at this rate I might still have fun.
Before Five months ago, I was a silly little girl engrossed in nothing but org work and not much caring for anything else. Until of course this totally random guy walked into my totally random life and randomly turning it all the way round and wouldn’t you know it, 5 tough, at times seemingly impossible months after, we’re still together creating some, if not the best memories I could ever have partaken in with someone. The distance is obviously proving for things to be harder (a lot) but we’ve managed to sort things out in our own unique (and loving) way.
Tomorrow also marks my first day of school, officially. Finally I'll get to do what I came here to do.. and no, it's not shopping (although I like that idea, hehe). Study. Go to school, attend classes and meet people I can actually call classmates. I know it can and may get dragging but hey.. I'm not one to pass up opportunities like these. Alongside my boredom will be a chance for me to get to.. uh, oh I don't know.. Ramsack through my brain and get my head straight even more. I still have quite a few things floating in my brain and I need to get them out, strain and deduce them.



And no one quite does it better at being a friend than You.
It's 5:26 PM back home and only 9 AM in London. I'm in neither places. Hehe. I'm way up in the sky, trying to make do with the fact that there is absolutely NOTHING I can do while on board except try and rationalize how all this came about. I'm feeling an utter lightness in my head knowing that I still have to be on this thing for another 8 hours and mind you, getting on this plane is by far the most spontaneous thing I've ever encountered in my life.
I was perfectly happy with my life in the Philippines, I have a great family, awesome friends, I was impassioned by my org, AIESEC and I have the most perfect boyfriend-bestfriend combo in JP. I couldn't ask for anything more and truth of the matter is, I haven't been asking for anything in a while but then, reality soon hit hard on me, on us. By November 2006, I casually tried my luck at applying to schools abroad, mainly in Australia but even with my conscious effort of updating every single day, nothing worked. December rolled by and all I got from them was a dramatic speech from one of their agents expressing how irresponsible it was of me to wait that long before applying.
Now the school (Newcastle College) already opened classes on January 8th, they initially gave me until only the 15th to get there which was just too impossible and when my visa didn't come on the 12th, I felt like all hopes were indeed lost but.. as miracles would have it, the school extended the deadline for enrolment to the 22nd. That was when I felt that this was really for me. That was the only time in the past couple of weeks that my doubts were sealed and my fears extinguished. At that very moment, I knew my destiny was in the UK.
Friends came and you know, said their goodbyes and even then it all felt too surreal. As my last party guest drove out of sight, it was again just me and JP. Looking in his eyes then made me get all the more scared.. Scared that finally my future in the UK was sealed and that for most parts of that future, he won't be there.
e more time.
Newcastle is everything I thought it was gonna be, small, relaxing.. but not this Cold. I'm seriously up to my ears with the cold and it hasn't even snowed through and already it's 0 degrees. Bullocks. But the cold hasn't stopped me from wandering around, seeing the town.. and shopping! Every goddamned store here is on sale since they're clearing it all out from the past year all the more reason for me to think that I was truly destined to be here with al
l the cut off prices, all for me.

