Rush of Days

Today I proved how stoic I truly am. I always knew how I don't have attachments but woah.. Talk about breaking free, I am now, as I realize, the single most detached person in the face of the planet.

It's starting to scare me.

Today I haven't slept. AT ALL. And since I can't seem to fall asleep, I decided to just pour it all here. A family friend of ours died this morning. I was awakened by a phone call saying my friend was rushed to the hospital and sensing the urgency, I went. It was 4am. I, of course went knowing that the girl didn't have family in Manila (she's originally from a Province 3 hours North of Manila). To my surprise, I found her dead in the hospital. Car accident. Hit and Run. The car was a mess, she wasn't wearing seatbelt and well.. you know what became of her.

She was 18, smart and a sweet girl. She and I were never really close but I knew she was bound to go places. But this morning, as I hustled through all the documentations that needed done, difficult phone calls I had to make and simply the pure chaos that I had to withstand, I realized what a breeze that was for me. It was like a deja vu only it didn't happen just once and this time I think I was handling someone's loss like a pro. It was maybe the fact that I have witnessed death so much that I am now numb from the thought of never seeing those people again or am I just plain callous? Hmmm. But knowing me, it should be the former. I'm still bouyantly optimistic and yes, I can get pretty stoic sometimes but I still do feel grief and sadness and all those not-so-pleasant stuff. I guess I just handle myself a tad bit better than others when it comes to these things and right now, I am taking full advantage of it.

As my head throbs and my eyes water, I can't help but think how everything in life can be so fleeting.. How everything can just come and go unexpectedly. It compelled me to do a bit of life analysis and at the end of my soliloquy, I have come to realize that I am (still) indeed a very, truly lucky person. Today, after that grueling 6 hours in the hospital, I enjoyed a delicious afternoon with my trainees and my team.. The people who I have been spending almost every single day with for the past month. I can't help but beam now as I look back at how we toured the museum, walked that ridiculous mile long way and had one of the best dinners I've ever had in a long, long time. And despite the glitch again after the dinner (think bankruptcy), despite me losing my shades and JP's umbrella, I think today was nothing more than His way of reminding me how important every single minute, second we have here on Earth. My soul and my eyes are now wide open and ready to humbly submit to His will if only to deliver whatever plans He has set out for me.

As the clock ticked 12 MN, I was again reminded of another miracle that I have had the pleasure of having in my life for 10 months now. This gift is totally an amazing one, bursting with incomparable beauty and undeniably priceless to the core. A rarity to the world and I can't thank Him enough for blessing my life with a gift that I can only find in the lady that is Margaux.

For nearly a year, Max -as I like calling her- has been responsible for all the smiles I have on my face. She has never ceased to be there for me through the start of our friendship on that magical day in ESA's atrium when I saw her in the coach, reading her new purchase of Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants book.

She is a gem of a friend and a jewel of a person. I feel completely indebted to Him for showering my life with a person. I demand to be counting decades with this truly wonderful girl and I know I don't have to worry that much about that.. We're already bounded by heart. Right Max?

Max, I wish you good health, all the luck and love in the world and may you have everything it is that your heart yearns for because you simply deserve nothing less. Thank you for the friendship and I hope you know how much I love you.