My 21st
A storm, typhoon more like, hit Luzon (a major Island in the Philippines) and casted its arresting eyes on my poor Manila like a hawk donning on its prey. The city was left a mess this morning. Trees were uprooted, roofs (yes, roofs) were flying, the ground was trembling, the wind was cursing at every direction, flood was everywhere billboards were stripped down and even its huge metal braces (stands or whatever they're called) fell to its demise. Classes were suspended. At noon time the whole region experienced power outage. By 7pm, Manila and most parts of Luzon were declared to be under a State of Calamity. This would be the worst storm to hit Manila in years.
And it had to happen on my birthday.
I woke up yesterday (the 28th) with a heavy heart. I got up and stood by the window for a while. The wind's rustle frightened me soon enough, I moved away. My phone did its thing, 4 messages. 5 missed calls. I read the messages and then, like a brush of wind filling my body, I cried upon realizing that it was indeed, my birthday. And I was alone. My whole flat seemed smaller and it was slowly choking me dead. I had to leave the house, I said but how? My sister took the car and with my house not exactly being transportation heaven, especially on days like this, what would I do now? Then, by some wisp of miracle, Halmen called me and told me to get ready. She was on her way to pick me up. The roads were dangerous with its neat array of trees and leaves scattered all over the streets as if mocking an obstacle course. Then we had lunch in Aveneto with Jaja, had tomoto soup, pasta and pizza. My birthday meal, wee. So when we saw the restaurant crew put their bags on, we knew it was time to go. We went around a bit but the mall we passed was closed but thank God for Eastwood. Weird as it may sound but it has never failed to come through for me. So we watched Step Up and even if it was my second time watching it, I still enjoyed it. Then Halmen asked if I wanted to sleepover and since I was not at all entertaining the thought of spending the rest of my already rained on birthday, I said yes. We went to my place to get stuff then off to Halmen's we went. We spent a great amount of time just eating and talking. Around 9pm, we drove out to get dessert. But because of the weather, our ice cream turned to Bibingcrepe (bibingka is rice cake and it was prepared like a crepe)... Then we turned back home. We were left with AIESEC as our topic as she illuminated some hard facts that I had to come to terms with. Then it was bedtime.. Part of me wanted to just sleep early to get the day over and done with already but I didn't sleep until 4 am.
The night was mosquito infested (what with no electricity) and hot. Damnit I thought it was at least gonna be a snuggle-kind-of-cold but no, it was hot. And imagine my frustration when I awoke to a very sunny morning. I mean I'm happy that the storm has gone but come on.. I now proved that it purposely came just to ruin my birthday. I waited all day for rain but there wasn't even a drop. Classes were once again suspended and the surprise wasn't over yet..
Let's just say I had a very difficult afternoon. I don't know how exactly to explain but I think I've cried myself out yesterday. It wasn't my stormed-on-birthday because if anything I'm still glad that I was able to celebrate it at least. But it was more like an afternoon shoot out and I was the target. Unfortunate requests, giving up and a lot, a lot of tears is a basic summary of it. I still burst into tears every second or so and it's proving harder and harder to contain.
I have always been the tough one. The one who, according to my best friend Kae, simply shrugged it all off and could smile instantly. That was me, the crabby person who gets ticked off every now and then but manages to be perky the very minute after. I have never been one to sulk and pine on my problems. I most of the time just cry once and then I'm fine. I have mastered the art of letting go and of detaching myelf from people. That was my defense mechanism, I guess. I was always so used to being left behind, either because of death or plain fading away. The closest people to me always found solace elsewhere and for some reason, I've learned to seek beauty in that and found refuge in breaking away. I have made some wonderful ties with the friends I have today. Each of them are great but I always get that paranoia that one day, they took will flee. Having a family like mine also made me this way. My mom was always out and I had to learn everything by myself. I started living on my own 7 years ago. I was only 14. Although I have no complaints over that, it still propelled me to keep shutting people off. That was my way of preventing further damage within myself. I've never really believed that I was anything special. I saw myself a most plain person doing nothing but mundane work and play. I channel all the loneliness and hurt from being so distant from people by showing those around me how good it feels to be remembered. I do the sweet things friends do on special ocassions during a normal day. I obligate myself to burden myself with other people's problems if only to lessen their pain and even if it could cause me double. I'm the master mind behind the surprise parties my friends have had over the years. And no one has quite gotten close to surprising me.. At least for those very few times they tried. I know at a different focus, I'm loved by my peers but it feels all the more challenging to believe when you have the rest of the world's pain flung on your back and no one even dared to help.
If my life was turned to a movie, 2 hours won't cut it and I'm only 21. The most redudunt thing there would probably tears that never seems to get tired of rolling down my face. But there will also be tons of pain, heartaches and disappointments. But ironically enough, I have come to find myself to be an eternal optimist. I'm an idealist, you see. I thrive on the good vibes which probably has done me more bad than good but nevertheless I've always stayed positive. The hurt, however, came in from all corners. Many a times did I feel so boxed in and had no way out. I came to hoping I was dead once or twice and I remember railing on God asking why I was always getting hurt. I was young and at that time I felt like the whole world was ganging up on me.
I'm now 21. It is implied that I am now, old. But despite looking strangely young for my age (think 9), I don't remember the last time I felt like a kid. Even then I was doing things on my own, I always fended and decided for myself. I had to grow up fast, I had to compel myself to mature faster than everyone else around me because if I didn't, I would just end up getting hurt even more. I always felt like I had to exert effort to reach maturity or else I wouldn't understand half the things going on around me and without a parent to teach me the whys of life, I had to play the daddy and mommy card on me. No offense to my mom who did her best to be there for me but most of my growing up, I did alone. And somehow you get used to that lonely life. I try my best to surround myself with happy people. People bursting with energy because that was me then.. Before problems started to plague me. Some people say that I have a temper that can kill and maybe I do have one but I wish people could see pass that. I hope they could see how bruised and mangled and scarred my heart is. I hope they'd understand that I am but human and that my painful past magically finds its way to haunt me. And because I know they'd never really understand, I just fall back into my own little corner and cry.
The past 2 days whipped me up as much as the storm shook the whole region. And I was left with 5 realizations that I know I will now try to live by:
1. HOPE FOR THE BEST, PREPARE FOR THE WORST English Proverb
This is one that'll come in handy the most. I have taught myself not to expect anything from anyone anymore, that sounds bitter but I am just channeling all unnecessary disillutionments in my life. I will continue being an optimist but striking a balance with reality would probably save me more tears.
2. BE NOT AFRAID OF GROWING SLOWLY, ONLY BE AFRAID OF STANDING STILL Chinese Proverb
I have a long way to go in life and I have no intention of stopping in my tracks but when I do, it would only to either bask in the view or take a momentary breather.
3. THE DARKEST HOUR IS THAT BEFORE THE DAWN English Proverb
My life has been a blend of candid stories and miserable tales. I have been fighting a great deal in and for my life and I have always known not to back down. I always knew that when the rain pours its mighty wrath, sunshine can't be too far behind.
4. EVERYTHING HAS BEEN FIGURED OUT, EXCEPT HOW TO LIVE Jean-Paul Sartre
So why do we try so much? Why all the questions? Why do we always have question everything? Why do we plague our hearts and minds with unnecessary clutter? Can't we just all live the way we know how to? No man can ever tell you how to live right simply because no one can know you other than yourself and even then, you still wouldn't know how. You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life. Life's questions I believe are here not to strain us as to be answered. God, I believe, designed a life full of doubts and questions to make us reminded that end of the day, it is only through and in Him that we can find the peace we are looking for. We must all take a cue from that and realize that life is nothing without Him.
5. YOU MUST BE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE YOU IN THE WORLD Mahatma Gandhi
I have fallen inlove with this concept even moreso after being in AIESEC. The life I lead now is propelled by my desire to better myself if only to be worthy of every blessing I have been given. I think it goes without saying that I am desperate to help the world. I think I was born to help. To nurture, to care for people. I have in my mind a clear picture of what I want to do with my life, of how I am going to live it and I realize that it all starts and ends with working for others.
I envision a life free from the struggles I've had. One day, when I too will be blessed with a family of my own, I will channel all my energy in sharing even the most mundane activity available to toddlers. I will be there to cheer my kid on in every game and competition he's ever on and I will be there to lecture him about girls (and her about boys). I want to be there to see her off on prom night, cry alarmingly on graduation, to give a hug of luck on route to college, for the wedding and everything else imagineable. I want a world without the tears and if there would be tears, I hope for once they'd be happy ones. The ones that won't require a hanky and the ones that won't be coupled with pain. I don't know how I'm going to achieve that but with His grace I know I too will get there. He has never ceased to strengthen me with His love and I know I will be okay. With or without someone's hand to hold. I know God is behind me, ready to catch me should anyone chose to not catch me.
I'm lucky to have the kind of faith that I have. I may not practice my religion to a T but God knows I try my damndest. He knows my every waking minute is for no one but Him. He knows that at the end of the day, I will seek nothing but His grace. He has given me so much chances, so much blessings and with all the pain i've lived through, I know He's just smoothing me out. I know He's preparing me for something bigger. Something extraordinarily consuming that I would need ever fiber of strength within me. He kept on taking away the ones I loved the most and I think He did that to show me I can and will be okay even without them. I actually think i'm so lucky having been through so much, it hasn't just given me conversation pieces and little anecdotes but I believe I was blessed to experience these things because He believes in me so much that He's allowing me to shoulder heaps of problems people twice my age have never ever dreamt about going through. And my prize has always been that I survived it all. And this time? I have another battle to fight. Another sword has been given, another armor was assembled only for this special fight.. I don't know if in the end I'll conquer the enemy but I only have one prayer. And that's for me to see this through alive, whole and well. I was at first hoping to emerge victorious, hand in hand with my fellow warrior but the past days have taught me never to expect even from the most realiable sources so I pray for myself. I pray that whatever learning and growth I get from this battle, I come out accepting my fate. I pray that He may give me grace to understand why again has he put me in this circumstance. I pray that He will heal me and that He will mold me to be better. That He will give me another chance at laughing and with happiness. I pray that I couild learn to love again. The kind of love that I am now so confused with.. The kind of love that sits by my heart and stays there for eternity.
But more importantly, I pray for Him to do whatever He thinks is best for me. He alone knows the design my life's path looks like. It feels daunting now but I know so long as He's driving me down the road, I'll be fine. He has blessed my life with an assemblage of people who despite their own personal battles, have chosen to see it through with me. I have a family who despite the unconventional set up we have now, has never given me any doubt on just how much they love me. I have friends ready to turn the world over just to see me smile. Friends who I know come hell or high water, through winter or spring, through continental divide and overseas calls will take a bullet just to ensure I'm happy. I have opportunities people would die for and best of all, He gave me a good heart. Of all the things I have, the one i'm proudest of is my good, solid heart. I have a heart that could withstand the most tumultous tragedies. The same heart can forgive, care and love without a wave of expectation in return.
As I close the book of the past year, I open another one. Certain that it will again be as unpredictable as its predecessor, I warmly embrace the days to come. As I suit up for the battle that is my life, I make the sign of the cross, thank Him for the armor I have on and just before I lift my sword as I prepare to dodge in the fight, I remind myself that this is a fight of a lifetime and whether or not I have an army behind me, I will give this all of me and that I will fight until He finally decides I've done my job.
WORDS FROM THE BIRTHDAY GIRL:
I know that if you could you would have flown to be with me on my birthday, you would and that's enough for me. I know I don't say this enough but you, Lolo and Papa are the reason why I have such strong wings.. Cause I have you beneath as my winds. No one compares or even comes close to you. I love you Mama. To my family, with you around, I don't think anyone can be as lucky as I am. Thank you for loving me despite everything.
To Kae, Laicah, Raph, Pacques, *Michael and *Matt who sees my tears through the rain. I may search far and wide, turn the world over but I know I will never find better friends than you. You are my pillars without whom I can not stand. You inspire me to seek out the smile within me. You know exactly when to give me a boost or a tap on the back. You of all people know me and I am prepared to live my life working towards proving to you, to all of you how much your friendship means to me. Even with the distance between us, I know deep within that anytime, it is you guys who never fails to pick up the phone and readily gives me the time of day (and night) if only to soothe my pain. I don't know what I would do without you.. Without any of you.
To my beloved Grrrkada. I smile at my life because I have you in it. I cry out of sheer joy because I experienced your friendships. Many years are yet to come and still I am certain that you will still be key players in my life. I know that because I hold on only to great friends who have provided me with great friendships. Everyday, I say one additional prayer thanking Him for the gift of friendship in the form of the Grrrsquad (haha). You guys are the best and come what may, never fear.. I will always be here.
To my birthday angels, Halmen and Jaja. Thank you for literally seeing me through all the rain and sh*t that came with my birthday. I never expected that we could bond like that but I'll never be sorry that we did. Thank you for making it memorable.. Flying cars and all.
Finally, to You. For your very presence in my life. You made me realize that love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give — which is everything.. And you can count on me giving this my all. I love you.
As I enter into adulthood, I seek only the grace to be the best person I can be and have my life be how it was meant to be like. As I make my way into the world I know there will be bumps on the road, bugs on my windshields, ocassional storms but I know I have been tuned and geared up perfectly to whatever can come my way. With every turns and detours I make, I know that He is lovingly holding the wheel with me and quite surely, His other hand firmly around the hand brake ready to pull whenever necessary. And knowing He's there and with my loved ones cheering me on along the way, I know there isn't anything that I cannot do. I will keep on driving down my life's path with the vision of becoming the person I was made to become. It's a known fact that we only live once but I believe that if we just live it right, once is enough. And that is my mission to live life once and sit up in Heaven all smiles knowing and telling myself, "You did a good job."
And it had to happen on my birthday.
I woke up yesterday (the 28th) with a heavy heart. I got up and stood by the window for a while. The wind's rustle frightened me soon enough, I moved away. My phone did its thing, 4 messages. 5 missed calls. I read the messages and then, like a brush of wind filling my body, I cried upon realizing that it was indeed, my birthday. And I was alone. My whole flat seemed smaller and it was slowly choking me dead. I had to leave the house, I said but how? My sister took the car and with my house not exactly being transportation heaven, especially on days like this, what would I do now? Then, by some wisp of miracle, Halmen called me and told me to get ready. She was on her way to pick me up. The roads were dangerous with its neat array of trees and leaves scattered all over the streets as if mocking an obstacle course. Then we had lunch in Aveneto with Jaja, had tomoto soup, pasta and pizza. My birthday meal, wee. So when we saw the restaurant crew put their bags on, we knew it was time to go. We went around a bit but the mall we passed was closed but thank God for Eastwood. Weird as it may sound but it has never failed to come through for me. So we watched Step Up and even if it was my second time watching it, I still enjoyed it. Then Halmen asked if I wanted to sleepover and since I was not at all entertaining the thought of spending the rest of my already rained on birthday, I said yes. We went to my place to get stuff then off to Halmen's we went. We spent a great amount of time just eating and talking. Around 9pm, we drove out to get dessert. But because of the weather, our ice cream turned to Bibingcrepe (bibingka is rice cake and it was prepared like a crepe)... Then we turned back home. We were left with AIESEC as our topic as she illuminated some hard facts that I had to come to terms with. Then it was bedtime.. Part of me wanted to just sleep early to get the day over and done with already but I didn't sleep until 4 am.
The night was mosquito infested (what with no electricity) and hot. Damnit I thought it was at least gonna be a snuggle-kind-of-cold but no, it was hot. And imagine my frustration when I awoke to a very sunny morning. I mean I'm happy that the storm has gone but come on.. I now proved that it purposely came just to ruin my birthday. I waited all day for rain but there wasn't even a drop. Classes were once again suspended and the surprise wasn't over yet..
Let's just say I had a very difficult afternoon. I don't know how exactly to explain but I think I've cried myself out yesterday. It wasn't my stormed-on-birthday because if anything I'm still glad that I was able to celebrate it at least. But it was more like an afternoon shoot out and I was the target. Unfortunate requests, giving up and a lot, a lot of tears is a basic summary of it. I still burst into tears every second or so and it's proving harder and harder to contain.
I have always been the tough one. The one who, according to my best friend Kae, simply shrugged it all off and could smile instantly. That was me, the crabby person who gets ticked off every now and then but manages to be perky the very minute after. I have never been one to sulk and pine on my problems. I most of the time just cry once and then I'm fine. I have mastered the art of letting go and of detaching myelf from people. That was my defense mechanism, I guess. I was always so used to being left behind, either because of death or plain fading away. The closest people to me always found solace elsewhere and for some reason, I've learned to seek beauty in that and found refuge in breaking away. I have made some wonderful ties with the friends I have today. Each of them are great but I always get that paranoia that one day, they took will flee. Having a family like mine also made me this way. My mom was always out and I had to learn everything by myself. I started living on my own 7 years ago. I was only 14. Although I have no complaints over that, it still propelled me to keep shutting people off. That was my way of preventing further damage within myself. I've never really believed that I was anything special. I saw myself a most plain person doing nothing but mundane work and play. I channel all the loneliness and hurt from being so distant from people by showing those around me how good it feels to be remembered. I do the sweet things friends do on special ocassions during a normal day. I obligate myself to burden myself with other people's problems if only to lessen their pain and even if it could cause me double. I'm the master mind behind the surprise parties my friends have had over the years. And no one has quite gotten close to surprising me.. At least for those very few times they tried. I know at a different focus, I'm loved by my peers but it feels all the more challenging to believe when you have the rest of the world's pain flung on your back and no one even dared to help.
If my life was turned to a movie, 2 hours won't cut it and I'm only 21. The most redudunt thing there would probably tears that never seems to get tired of rolling down my face. But there will also be tons of pain, heartaches and disappointments. But ironically enough, I have come to find myself to be an eternal optimist. I'm an idealist, you see. I thrive on the good vibes which probably has done me more bad than good but nevertheless I've always stayed positive. The hurt, however, came in from all corners. Many a times did I feel so boxed in and had no way out. I came to hoping I was dead once or twice and I remember railing on God asking why I was always getting hurt. I was young and at that time I felt like the whole world was ganging up on me.
I'm now 21. It is implied that I am now, old. But despite looking strangely young for my age (think 9), I don't remember the last time I felt like a kid. Even then I was doing things on my own, I always fended and decided for myself. I had to grow up fast, I had to compel myself to mature faster than everyone else around me because if I didn't, I would just end up getting hurt even more. I always felt like I had to exert effort to reach maturity or else I wouldn't understand half the things going on around me and without a parent to teach me the whys of life, I had to play the daddy and mommy card on me. No offense to my mom who did her best to be there for me but most of my growing up, I did alone. And somehow you get used to that lonely life. I try my best to surround myself with happy people. People bursting with energy because that was me then.. Before problems started to plague me. Some people say that I have a temper that can kill and maybe I do have one but I wish people could see pass that. I hope they could see how bruised and mangled and scarred my heart is. I hope they'd understand that I am but human and that my painful past magically finds its way to haunt me. And because I know they'd never really understand, I just fall back into my own little corner and cry.
The past 2 days whipped me up as much as the storm shook the whole region. And I was left with 5 realizations that I know I will now try to live by:
1. HOPE FOR THE BEST, PREPARE FOR THE WORST English Proverb
This is one that'll come in handy the most. I have taught myself not to expect anything from anyone anymore, that sounds bitter but I am just channeling all unnecessary disillutionments in my life. I will continue being an optimist but striking a balance with reality would probably save me more tears.
2. BE NOT AFRAID OF GROWING SLOWLY, ONLY BE AFRAID OF STANDING STILL Chinese Proverb
I have a long way to go in life and I have no intention of stopping in my tracks but when I do, it would only to either bask in the view or take a momentary breather.
3. THE DARKEST HOUR IS THAT BEFORE THE DAWN English Proverb
My life has been a blend of candid stories and miserable tales. I have been fighting a great deal in and for my life and I have always known not to back down. I always knew that when the rain pours its mighty wrath, sunshine can't be too far behind.
4. EVERYTHING HAS BEEN FIGURED OUT, EXCEPT HOW TO LIVE Jean-Paul Sartre
So why do we try so much? Why all the questions? Why do we always have question everything? Why do we plague our hearts and minds with unnecessary clutter? Can't we just all live the way we know how to? No man can ever tell you how to live right simply because no one can know you other than yourself and even then, you still wouldn't know how. You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life. Life's questions I believe are here not to strain us as to be answered. God, I believe, designed a life full of doubts and questions to make us reminded that end of the day, it is only through and in Him that we can find the peace we are looking for. We must all take a cue from that and realize that life is nothing without Him.
5. YOU MUST BE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE YOU IN THE WORLD Mahatma Gandhi
I have fallen inlove with this concept even moreso after being in AIESEC. The life I lead now is propelled by my desire to better myself if only to be worthy of every blessing I have been given. I think it goes without saying that I am desperate to help the world. I think I was born to help. To nurture, to care for people. I have in my mind a clear picture of what I want to do with my life, of how I am going to live it and I realize that it all starts and ends with working for others.
I envision a life free from the struggles I've had. One day, when I too will be blessed with a family of my own, I will channel all my energy in sharing even the most mundane activity available to toddlers. I will be there to cheer my kid on in every game and competition he's ever on and I will be there to lecture him about girls (and her about boys). I want to be there to see her off on prom night, cry alarmingly on graduation, to give a hug of luck on route to college, for the wedding and everything else imagineable. I want a world without the tears and if there would be tears, I hope for once they'd be happy ones. The ones that won't require a hanky and the ones that won't be coupled with pain. I don't know how I'm going to achieve that but with His grace I know I too will get there. He has never ceased to strengthen me with His love and I know I will be okay. With or without someone's hand to hold. I know God is behind me, ready to catch me should anyone chose to not catch me.
I'm lucky to have the kind of faith that I have. I may not practice my religion to a T but God knows I try my damndest. He knows my every waking minute is for no one but Him. He knows that at the end of the day, I will seek nothing but His grace. He has given me so much chances, so much blessings and with all the pain i've lived through, I know He's just smoothing me out. I know He's preparing me for something bigger. Something extraordinarily consuming that I would need ever fiber of strength within me. He kept on taking away the ones I loved the most and I think He did that to show me I can and will be okay even without them. I actually think i'm so lucky having been through so much, it hasn't just given me conversation pieces and little anecdotes but I believe I was blessed to experience these things because He believes in me so much that He's allowing me to shoulder heaps of problems people twice my age have never ever dreamt about going through. And my prize has always been that I survived it all. And this time? I have another battle to fight. Another sword has been given, another armor was assembled only for this special fight.. I don't know if in the end I'll conquer the enemy but I only have one prayer. And that's for me to see this through alive, whole and well. I was at first hoping to emerge victorious, hand in hand with my fellow warrior but the past days have taught me never to expect even from the most realiable sources so I pray for myself. I pray that whatever learning and growth I get from this battle, I come out accepting my fate. I pray that He may give me grace to understand why again has he put me in this circumstance. I pray that He will heal me and that He will mold me to be better. That He will give me another chance at laughing and with happiness. I pray that I couild learn to love again. The kind of love that I am now so confused with.. The kind of love that sits by my heart and stays there for eternity.
But more importantly, I pray for Him to do whatever He thinks is best for me. He alone knows the design my life's path looks like. It feels daunting now but I know so long as He's driving me down the road, I'll be fine. He has blessed my life with an assemblage of people who despite their own personal battles, have chosen to see it through with me. I have a family who despite the unconventional set up we have now, has never given me any doubt on just how much they love me. I have friends ready to turn the world over just to see me smile. Friends who I know come hell or high water, through winter or spring, through continental divide and overseas calls will take a bullet just to ensure I'm happy. I have opportunities people would die for and best of all, He gave me a good heart. Of all the things I have, the one i'm proudest of is my good, solid heart. I have a heart that could withstand the most tumultous tragedies. The same heart can forgive, care and love without a wave of expectation in return.
As I close the book of the past year, I open another one. Certain that it will again be as unpredictable as its predecessor, I warmly embrace the days to come. As I suit up for the battle that is my life, I make the sign of the cross, thank Him for the armor I have on and just before I lift my sword as I prepare to dodge in the fight, I remind myself that this is a fight of a lifetime and whether or not I have an army behind me, I will give this all of me and that I will fight until He finally decides I've done my job.
WORDS FROM THE BIRTHDAY GIRL:
I know that if you could you would have flown to be with me on my birthday, you would and that's enough for me. I know I don't say this enough but you, Lolo and Papa are the reason why I have such strong wings.. Cause I have you beneath as my winds. No one compares or even comes close to you. I love you Mama. To my family, with you around, I don't think anyone can be as lucky as I am. Thank you for loving me despite everything.
To Kae, Laicah, Raph, Pacques, *Michael and *Matt who sees my tears through the rain. I may search far and wide, turn the world over but I know I will never find better friends than you. You are my pillars without whom I can not stand. You inspire me to seek out the smile within me. You know exactly when to give me a boost or a tap on the back. You of all people know me and I am prepared to live my life working towards proving to you, to all of you how much your friendship means to me. Even with the distance between us, I know deep within that anytime, it is you guys who never fails to pick up the phone and readily gives me the time of day (and night) if only to soothe my pain. I don't know what I would do without you.. Without any of you.
To my beloved Grrrkada. I smile at my life because I have you in it. I cry out of sheer joy because I experienced your friendships. Many years are yet to come and still I am certain that you will still be key players in my life. I know that because I hold on only to great friends who have provided me with great friendships. Everyday, I say one additional prayer thanking Him for the gift of friendship in the form of the Grrrsquad (haha). You guys are the best and come what may, never fear.. I will always be here.
To my birthday angels, Halmen and Jaja. Thank you for literally seeing me through all the rain and sh*t that came with my birthday. I never expected that we could bond like that but I'll never be sorry that we did. Thank you for making it memorable.. Flying cars and all.
Finally, to You. For your very presence in my life. You made me realize that love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give — which is everything.. And you can count on me giving this my all. I love you.
As I enter into adulthood, I seek only the grace to be the best person I can be and have my life be how it was meant to be like. As I make my way into the world I know there will be bumps on the road, bugs on my windshields, ocassional storms but I know I have been tuned and geared up perfectly to whatever can come my way. With every turns and detours I make, I know that He is lovingly holding the wheel with me and quite surely, His other hand firmly around the hand brake ready to pull whenever necessary. And knowing He's there and with my loved ones cheering me on along the way, I know there isn't anything that I cannot do. I will keep on driving down my life's path with the vision of becoming the person I was made to become. It's a known fact that we only live once but I believe that if we just live it right, once is enough. And that is my mission to live life once and sit up in Heaven all smiles knowing and telling myself, "You did a good job."
2 Comments:
i love you
Know exactly how you feel, trust me. If you wanna chat sometime, let me know, okay? Drop me a line (my email's on my blog profile) if you want to suggest a time ...
Big hugs
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