A Cry for Happiness

Heard mass today and boy did the sermon hit me right in the gut. He called everyone to pray for those with great burdens, that may the spirit of forgiveness and acceptance overcome the hurt and extinguish the anger they feel.

Yeeowch.

So okay, I took a moment tonight and thought things over and well, it's not that I'm or was mad, I guess I just had to get it out. I don't know why but it feels good having it out, whether verbally or in black and white.

I got off a conversation with a friend just now and I vented out yet again about the tragedy that is my life right now (hmmmn, poor guy). And I feel bad. At myself for being this crabby and negative and temperamental, to tell you the truth I'm not so happy with myself right now. I do not like how I'm taking and handling all of this and I know I'm trying but I just can't get a grip of myself.. Wow. There it is. Sheeesh. Bet a lotta people would spend hell of a cash just to be able to say that but no, I'm not feeling good about myself or anything like that. I still feel like crap.

I've always been very positive, I'm an eternal optimist as close friends say but I don't know anymore. A super vacuum zapped it right out of me and it's not giving any indication of springing back anywhere near me.

Good God, I just wanna be happy again.