Time for Me
It takes a lot to get me mad, in fact I've never really hated anyone and I'm usually nice. Very nice even. I have always been fond of doing favors from friends and have never really expected anything from anyone. I was raised to believe that if you do good to people only because you think you should, then don't even bother. It's always gotta be something unconsciously intentional.
I see that with my mother. It's happened so many times that I get approached by people who somehow, weirdly enough, recognizes me as "Eden's daughter" (which I am but I just think it's freaky how they figure it out). There had been times that I got so angry at my mom for letting people take advantage of her and it's usually because of money. You can't believe how many people have tried swindling her and being a genuinely giving person that she is, she lets them off and takes them right back in. And I'd like to think that I'm somehow the same. I never really believed in keeping grudges primarily because I think it's a pure waste of time, energy and effort. I've let people deal with their consciences and kept mine clean. I have been wronged many a times before but I've never resorted to retaliation or keeping grudges. I forgive, I forget and I move on. But I guess everyone gets there, that end point where you just want to burst and punch whatever is in your way.
I think I may very well be on the verge of that and it freaking sucks!
I don't know when it started, or make that how it started. See I've almost always been nonchalant about it and about everything that concerns this particular issue but I think I've just had it. I think I'm finally ready to throw in the towel and go, "oh well, I tried and now I'm tired". And believe me, you do not want me saying that or have that even crossing my mind because when I say that's it, that is really it.
I'm unimaginably upset. Upset at being judged, blamed, picked on, taken for granted and pushed around. Nobody deserves that and I honestly think I am not half that bad to be treated as such. I have been good and I have lived a good, decent, honest life and I think the last thing I need is for someone to spit on what I have been working to make good. For crying out loud, enough already! Aren't I far away enough?!
I'm trying to keep my composure despite all of this but it seems intolerable. Why do some people love finding faults in others -me especially? And not caring to check how foul they really look. Don't think I'm a hypocrite because I have had my stumbles, had had my array of mistakes and problems to deal with in the past but at least I don't make life hell for someone just because "I don't like her".
I at least can go to bed at night knowing I'm not responsible for someone's self doubt and tears.
But yea, this is just another water under my very unstable bridge and I am better than this and all of them creeps combined but just once, just once I'd like to feel dauntless and unafraid. I guess this isn't anyone's fight but mine. It's true what they say, you can never control how people are going to look at you, you can never control how they think of you and how much they judge you but you can however control how you will react and how you're going to deal with them. It's not going to be easy but I guess they don't deserve the satisfaction of seeing me beaten by then. I'm made of tougher stuff and I refuse to stoop to their level or worse, back down.
I know who I am, I'm sure of what I'm about and from now on, I'm going to be my kindest self to the person who deserves it the most..
Me.
I see that with my mother. It's happened so many times that I get approached by people who somehow, weirdly enough, recognizes me as "Eden's daughter" (which I am but I just think it's freaky how they figure it out). There had been times that I got so angry at my mom for letting people take advantage of her and it's usually because of money. You can't believe how many people have tried swindling her and being a genuinely giving person that she is, she lets them off and takes them right back in. And I'd like to think that I'm somehow the same. I never really believed in keeping grudges primarily because I think it's a pure waste of time, energy and effort. I've let people deal with their consciences and kept mine clean. I have been wronged many a times before but I've never resorted to retaliation or keeping grudges. I forgive, I forget and I move on. But I guess everyone gets there, that end point where you just want to burst and punch whatever is in your way.
I think I may very well be on the verge of that and it freaking sucks!
I don't know when it started, or make that how it started. See I've almost always been nonchalant about it and about everything that concerns this particular issue but I think I've just had it. I think I'm finally ready to throw in the towel and go, "oh well, I tried and now I'm tired". And believe me, you do not want me saying that or have that even crossing my mind because when I say that's it, that is really it.
I'm unimaginably upset. Upset at being judged, blamed, picked on, taken for granted and pushed around. Nobody deserves that and I honestly think I am not half that bad to be treated as such. I have been good and I have lived a good, decent, honest life and I think the last thing I need is for someone to spit on what I have been working to make good. For crying out loud, enough already! Aren't I far away enough?!
I'm trying to keep my composure despite all of this but it seems intolerable. Why do some people love finding faults in others -me especially? And not caring to check how foul they really look. Don't think I'm a hypocrite because I have had my stumbles, had had my array of mistakes and problems to deal with in the past but at least I don't make life hell for someone just because "I don't like her".
I at least can go to bed at night knowing I'm not responsible for someone's self doubt and tears.
But yea, this is just another water under my very unstable bridge and I am better than this and all of them creeps combined but just once, just once I'd like to feel dauntless and unafraid. I guess this isn't anyone's fight but mine. It's true what they say, you can never control how people are going to look at you, you can never control how they think of you and how much they judge you but you can however control how you will react and how you're going to deal with them. It's not going to be easy but I guess they don't deserve the satisfaction of seeing me beaten by then. I'm made of tougher stuff and I refuse to stoop to their level or worse, back down.
I know who I am, I'm sure of what I'm about and from now on, I'm going to be my kindest self to the person who deserves it the most..
Me.
1 Comments:
ooooh sino naman ang kaaway mo jan????
Post a Comment
<< Home