Boredom does kill
Masakit pala sa ulo yon walan ginagawa.
I think I'm about to have an aneurism from all this brain inactivity. I mean to what extent does boredom border over insanity? It's not just boring actually. It's corrupting.. Demoralizing which is at this very minute, brimming over pure hysteria. Ack. This is too sad. It's the same thing everyday, the same meaningless daily grind and I'm personally getting sick of it. I mean I know I am literally living the dream but I guess dreams have a dash of nightmare in them, and boy is this one hitting home..
Trust me, I know, cause I'm this close to getting out of my mind!!
Personally this is all very childish, you don't have to tell me. I know. But it's just.. So.. Ack.. I can't even phrase it. I just feel so incompetent, feckless, inept.. So Lame. I know I'm not making much sense here but okay, let me try to explain. Picture yourself, lounging around the house, just watching the good old telly, slapping on a few bites every now and then, maybe do some reading when the fancy rises then you sleep. Now, try doing that EVERYDAY. Replace the telly with a laptop, eat an average of once everyday not because of diet or scrimping but because you're body clock is wayyyyy zapped meaning you sleep at 6am, wake up at 3pm and when feel the need to eat, it's almost midnight. Tingnan ko lan kun hindi kayo mabaliw.
This has been my routine for the past.. Oh I don't know, 2 months? Yes, there are those occasional days of going out into the city, meeting up with friends and grabbing something to eat here and there which is always fun but my goodness, is this ALL I'M EVER GOING TO DO HERE?
Yes, I know what you all want to say. Try a hobby, do volunteer work, travel, play sports, meet new friends.. And well, some things are just easier said than done. I actually could do volunteer work anytime, I have a contact and all but it's just not something I can bring myself to do. I was really hyped up about that 2 months ago but now it's just an idea that I can't get to.. you know?! Oooh boy, who am I kidding, course you don't.. Because unlike me, you have better things to do.. Boo.
On the flip side, travel is really the best thing I can do but that means spending and although I am well provided for, my not-so-long-ago surprise from my mobile company has left me feeling fuddled for I'd say, as long as I should live so I don't think any unnecessary spending is in the raps for me. I mean don't get me wrong, it's not something that was imposed on me but I think it's time to get a bit more responsible not because it's asked of me but because I damn well need to! RaaaARr! All this is making me sick.
Don't even get me started on my classes, I'm acing them but that's technically nothing to brag about should you know the real deal but that is a story for yet another day... Pfft. Now I feel really sick. Doi.
It may seem that way but i'm not complaining. Am not. This is all I've ever, ever wanted, you know? This is my dream. To live and study abroad. To bask in a different culture. To see the world outside my pearl of an orient home and I really feel like I am totally living the dream. You know? I get it that not very many gets this chance, but I wish I could just be doing something more productive. My brain, my body, ME, I am used to crammings and deadlines and stress-inducing what nots so how do you think I feel?! Boo. This is just low, I know. I'm not complaining and yes, I sound all defensive but I'm not, really. I'm just.. I guess pissed at myself, most of all for letting all of this get out of hand. I should have seen this coming, and well I did but I was too absorbed in the wreckage that has recently been my life.. I know it's not an excuse but.. There, okay. I'm not even going to try.. But it just sucks. I'm not all-knowing but I have a pretty good brain and it is a travesty to spend all my well oiled cells up there on my cranium just on the wonderful world of the internet 24/7. And yes, I am online 24/7. Ask anyone on my YM list or look at my status on the right hand side of this site, see? Ces is Online.. That's cause I'm always online. Pfft. Bugger..
But yes, I am trying to do something about all this. I am done with living in this upside down world. I'm not fit for this. I'm a hip, fun, spontaneous, smart-talking and free spirited girl who came here to conquer the world.. And while it's fun to think about all of this as an overpaid (try excessive) vacation, I don't really buy it. This is bull.. And you all freaking know it.
I must have handed out a million CVs already and no one has called me back for a summer job.. Grr. And now my head hurts.. Okay, my brain too, real bad. I need something to do, anything to look forward to besides checking (I sleep with my laptop beside me) if anyone commented on my multiply or if anyone messaged (or emailed) me while I was asleep (told ya i've become pathetic). And no, ogling at the laptop watching re-runs of Grey's, Gilmore Girls or Heroes DOES NOT COUNT.. Geez. I am better than this.. Buisit. Ayaw na.
*Ces just let out an exasperated sigh*
I think I'm about to have an aneurism from all this brain inactivity. I mean to what extent does boredom border over insanity? It's not just boring actually. It's corrupting.. Demoralizing which is at this very minute, brimming over pure hysteria. Ack. This is too sad. It's the same thing everyday, the same meaningless daily grind and I'm personally getting sick of it. I mean I know I am literally living the dream but I guess dreams have a dash of nightmare in them, and boy is this one hitting home..
Trust me, I know, cause I'm this close to getting out of my mind!!
Personally this is all very childish, you don't have to tell me. I know. But it's just.. So.. Ack.. I can't even phrase it. I just feel so incompetent, feckless, inept.. So Lame. I know I'm not making much sense here but okay, let me try to explain. Picture yourself, lounging around the house, just watching the good old telly, slapping on a few bites every now and then, maybe do some reading when the fancy rises then you sleep. Now, try doing that EVERYDAY. Replace the telly with a laptop, eat an average of once everyday not because of diet or scrimping but because you're body clock is wayyyyy zapped meaning you sleep at 6am, wake up at 3pm and when feel the need to eat, it's almost midnight. Tingnan ko lan kun hindi kayo mabaliw.
This has been my routine for the past.. Oh I don't know, 2 months? Yes, there are those occasional days of going out into the city, meeting up with friends and grabbing something to eat here and there which is always fun but my goodness, is this ALL I'M EVER GOING TO DO HERE?
Yes, I know what you all want to say. Try a hobby, do volunteer work, travel, play sports, meet new friends.. And well, some things are just easier said than done. I actually could do volunteer work anytime, I have a contact and all but it's just not something I can bring myself to do. I was really hyped up about that 2 months ago but now it's just an idea that I can't get to.. you know?! Oooh boy, who am I kidding, course you don't.. Because unlike me, you have better things to do.. Boo.
On the flip side, travel is really the best thing I can do but that means spending and although I am well provided for, my not-so-long-ago surprise from my mobile company has left me feeling fuddled for I'd say, as long as I should live so I don't think any unnecessary spending is in the raps for me. I mean don't get me wrong, it's not something that was imposed on me but I think it's time to get a bit more responsible not because it's asked of me but because I damn well need to! RaaaARr! All this is making me sick.
Don't even get me started on my classes, I'm acing them but that's technically nothing to brag about should you know the real deal but that is a story for yet another day... Pfft. Now I feel really sick. Doi.
It may seem that way but i'm not complaining. Am not. This is all I've ever, ever wanted, you know? This is my dream. To live and study abroad. To bask in a different culture. To see the world outside my pearl of an orient home and I really feel like I am totally living the dream. You know? I get it that not very many gets this chance, but I wish I could just be doing something more productive. My brain, my body, ME, I am used to crammings and deadlines and stress-inducing what nots so how do you think I feel?! Boo. This is just low, I know. I'm not complaining and yes, I sound all defensive but I'm not, really. I'm just.. I guess pissed at myself, most of all for letting all of this get out of hand. I should have seen this coming, and well I did but I was too absorbed in the wreckage that has recently been my life.. I know it's not an excuse but.. There, okay. I'm not even going to try.. But it just sucks. I'm not all-knowing but I have a pretty good brain and it is a travesty to spend all my well oiled cells up there on my cranium just on the wonderful world of the internet 24/7. And yes, I am online 24/7. Ask anyone on my YM list or look at my status on the right hand side of this site, see? Ces is Online.. That's cause I'm always online. Pfft. Bugger..
But yes, I am trying to do something about all this. I am done with living in this upside down world. I'm not fit for this. I'm a hip, fun, spontaneous, smart-talking and free spirited girl who came here to conquer the world.. And while it's fun to think about all of this as an overpaid (try excessive) vacation, I don't really buy it. This is bull.. And you all freaking know it.
I must have handed out a million CVs already and no one has called me back for a summer job.. Grr. And now my head hurts.. Okay, my brain too, real bad. I need something to do, anything to look forward to besides checking (I sleep with my laptop beside me) if anyone commented on my multiply or if anyone messaged (or emailed) me while I was asleep (told ya i've become pathetic). And no, ogling at the laptop watching re-runs of Grey's, Gilmore Girls or Heroes DOES NOT COUNT.. Geez. I am better than this.. Buisit. Ayaw na.
*Ces just let out an exasperated sigh*
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