Signs
It started right after my grandfather died 11 years ago; about a week after I got home from the province for his funeral, I saw two yellow butterflies every single day -for over a month. Some time later, it became just one except during my birthdays and tragedy-stricken days like Michael's death, my grandmother's funeral and the like, then there would always be two. It lessened as I grew older, sometimes I'd see one every other week or sometimes none at all for a month but whenever something was happening to me like I'd have a major exam, a project to host or what-not, the yellow butterfly would always make an appearance. I honestly believe the two butterflies to be my grandfather and Papa. Now what I don't know is which of them appears to me in singles and although I like to think it that they take turns, I guess I'll never really know. But yes, it's the Yellow Butterfly(ies) that usually lights up my heart when I'm too sad or too outraged with what's going on in my life. It was always so nice seeing one, much more if I saw two because I took it as the universe's, and of course God's, way of telling me everything will be okay.
So you can imagine my surprise when today, at past 8 tonight (let me clue everyone in, I'm in the UK and the sun doesn't set well over 10:30pm here), as I was hauling out the garbage out in front of my building, I saw two yellow butterflies in their fluttering glory.
To express how dramatic this is for me, I don't think I have ever been through anything as hard as I have this last few months but I have not seen one yellow butterfly since touching down at the airport almost 5 months ago. And now that I think about it, it's all very symbolic that they chose to show themselves now when I think I finally got my footing back.
I know I'm going to be okay.
And I know it's silly to light up just because some random pair of insects happen to appear when they do but it's given me that kind of comfort that I think, more than anything, has gotten me through some of the worst phases of my life. And not seeing it until now makes me feel that maybe I am getting a lot more tougher, you know? Bah. I know I'm just rambling now but I don't know how else to explain it but I have always been a believer in signs. Not in just the literal meaning of it but the cosmic twist some things have in them. I don't know about you but some of the more important decisions I had to make in my life, included me asking God for a sign -a sign to somehow clue me in on what He wants me to do and it has always meant a lot to me that He has always delivered.
Lately, there have been so many things happening, coming at me from all angles. Things that are of relative significance to me that sometimes comes in on a little too strongly that I just look up and say to Him, "oh come on, what's this now?". Things that seem all too silly and trivial and not worth mentioning but things that instantaneously warms me up like you wouldn't imagine.
Signs.
To some people, it's merely coincidences and to quote an old friend, it's overrated and it's nothing but a figment of our imagination to give affirmation to what we already know about ourselves and of our lives and maybe he's right. Maybe I'm just amplifying all of this when I should really be better off doing something else and maybe it's a waste of my already deteriorating brain from the boredom it's harboring to keep thinking about all of this randomness.. Maybe it's all just in my head and I'm pumping myself up so much more than I should.. Maybe I don't need anything other than my brain telling me what to do to act on something.. Maybe I'm better off not considering anything out of the norm and reason.. Maybe I've just played all of this too well in my head that it's had so much impact in my decision making and maybe I'm better off without it..
Maybe... But I doubt it.
So you can imagine my surprise when today, at past 8 tonight (let me clue everyone in, I'm in the UK and the sun doesn't set well over 10:30pm here), as I was hauling out the garbage out in front of my building, I saw two yellow butterflies in their fluttering glory.
To express how dramatic this is for me, I don't think I have ever been through anything as hard as I have this last few months but I have not seen one yellow butterfly since touching down at the airport almost 5 months ago. And now that I think about it, it's all very symbolic that they chose to show themselves now when I think I finally got my footing back.
I know I'm going to be okay.
And I know it's silly to light up just because some random pair of insects happen to appear when they do but it's given me that kind of comfort that I think, more than anything, has gotten me through some of the worst phases of my life. And not seeing it until now makes me feel that maybe I am getting a lot more tougher, you know? Bah. I know I'm just rambling now but I don't know how else to explain it but I have always been a believer in signs. Not in just the literal meaning of it but the cosmic twist some things have in them. I don't know about you but some of the more important decisions I had to make in my life, included me asking God for a sign -a sign to somehow clue me in on what He wants me to do and it has always meant a lot to me that He has always delivered.
Lately, there have been so many things happening, coming at me from all angles. Things that are of relative significance to me that sometimes comes in on a little too strongly that I just look up and say to Him, "oh come on, what's this now?". Things that seem all too silly and trivial and not worth mentioning but things that instantaneously warms me up like you wouldn't imagine.
Signs.
To some people, it's merely coincidences and to quote an old friend, it's overrated and it's nothing but a figment of our imagination to give affirmation to what we already know about ourselves and of our lives and maybe he's right. Maybe I'm just amplifying all of this when I should really be better off doing something else and maybe it's a waste of my already deteriorating brain from the boredom it's harboring to keep thinking about all of this randomness.. Maybe it's all just in my head and I'm pumping myself up so much more than I should.. Maybe I don't need anything other than my brain telling me what to do to act on something.. Maybe I'm better off not considering anything out of the norm and reason.. Maybe I've just played all of this too well in my head that it's had so much impact in my decision making and maybe I'm better off without it..
Maybe... But I doubt it.
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